Should I sleep with him? 4 questions to ask yourself
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Four Questions To Ask Yourself Before Sleeping With Him:
A codependency dating plan is designed to help individuals who struggle with codependency issues navigate the complexities of dating and relationships in a healthier way. Codependency is characterized by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often at the cost of one's own needs and identity. Here's a general outline for a codependency dating plan:
Self-Reflection and Awareness: Before starting to date, it's important to understand your own codependent tendencies. This could involve self-help books, therapy, or journaling to identify patterns in past relationships.
Setting Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries. This means understanding what you are comfortable with and communicating this to your partner.
Maintaining Independence: Focus on maintaining your independence in a relationship. This includes having your own hobbies, friends, and time alone.
Slow Pacing: Take things slowly in the new relationship. Rushing into emotional intensity can be a pattern in codependent relationships.
Open Communication: Be honest and open with your partner about your feelings, needs, and concerns. Effective communication is key in any relationship, but especially so when navigating codependency.
Continuous Self-Care and Growth: Continue to prioritize your own well-being and personal growth. This might include regular therapy sessions, self-care routines, and continuing to cultivate your own interests and passions.
Recognizing Red Flags: Be aware of red flags that may indicate unhealthy dynamics. This includes controlling behavior, lack of respect for boundaries, or feeling like you're losing your sense of self in the relationship.
Support System: Have a support system in place. This could be friends, family, a therapist, or a support group for individuals with codependent tendencies.
Regular Check-Ins with Yourself: Periodically assess the health and balance of the relationship. Are your needs being met? Are you respecting your own boundaries?
Willingness to Walk Away: Be prepared to walk away from a relationship if it becomes unhealthy or if your codependent patterns start to emerge again.
Remember, this plan is not a strict set of rules but a guideline to help navigate dating in a healthier, more balanced way. Individual needs and situations may vary, so it's important to tailor the approach to fit your personal circumstances
TRANSCRIPTS:
Welcome to the Dr. Erin Show. This is a top spiritual awakening and new thought ancient wisdom podcast to teach you how to become your highest self, unleash your spiritual superpowers, discover your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, Dr. Divinity, and I'm committed to bringing you the best manifesting and coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you reprogram your subconscious mind, monetize your spiritual gifts, and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you together we're awakening the world. Hello my friends. I'm super excited today because we have a caller that has called in and asked should I sleep with him? Wow. Today I'm going to answer with four questions you should ask yourself before sleeping with him or her, whichever your preference is, she, her, they, whichever title you want to give it.
(00:58):
So today we're going to break on down the truth of emotional mastery. And as a leader, I want to get vulnerable in my humanist and let you know that again, as a leader, as a teacher, I teach truth that absolutely is truth. It does not mean I am perfect as a leader. We teach universal law and understanding how energetics work, how to manifest and all the above. And I am a teacher and a student at the same time. So let's break this on down. Should I sleep with him? Well, the first question that you may ask yourself is what is your intention? So it's a real interesting thing because I have a full spectrum of friends. I have very liberal polyamorous friends, and I have very devoted Christian friends. I have a full spectrum of friends that I've had throughout my life. I've had friends that are strippers.
(01:56):
I've had friends that are absolutely purist to the core. I have friends that don't drink at all and have been in recovery their entire life, and I have other friends that do a lot of medicine. So everyone's intention is different. That's my point. And for many people, intimacy and sex can be used for manipulation. It also can be used for beautiful aligning and merging of souls. So the first question definitely to ask yourself is what's the intention if you're looking for a long-term relationship, or are you looking to just have a sexual experience? That could be a beautiful sexual experience, or it could be a fleeting pornographic experience, right? What is the intention? And I would say it's really important to ask your partner, but also know that someone can have an intention and their intention can change tomorrow. Okay? So it's really about you getting clear about yourself and what is your intention?
(03:02):
Because what you hold in mind, what you hold in mind is going to inform universal mind. What you hold in mind is going to inform your subconscious mind and really set the polarity of the universe into motion. Let's just say for example, that your intention is to find the love of your life and merge in souls and have your twin flame for the rest of your life, as they say, or soulmate, right? Your divine partner. And some of you guys might have different definitions of those terms. So whatever that is, I'm saying that the intention is whatever your intention is, your partner may say he has that intention, but he may change his mind the next day. You don't have control over that, right? But the truth is, when you set your intention, you can actually inform the universe. The universe may say, Hey, this person's not for you, and they may get them out of your life so that you can have your actual divine partner come in.
(04:02):
But setting your intention is super important. And the reason why I say this is because as somebody who works with people around the globe, I would say about nine out of 10 people are codependent, meaning they struggle in relationship, even if they're married, if they're single, if they're dating, there is a push and pull because they hand their power over in relationship. Therefore, they're disempowered in relationship. This is the basics of the basics of metaphysics. The basics is that the moment that you hand your power over to anything, especially in your relationship, you'll be disempowered in that area. So codependency is really truly the highest form of codependency. And handing the power over relationship is the most entangled area of our life and our intimate life, because there's nothing not intimate about it. When two people come together, whether it be a man or a woman or whomever, when you change and exchange bodily fluids, your DNA literally merges, okay? You don't just merge in mind and spiritually you merge physically. Literally, your ancestor trauma that they've dealt with and you've dealt with is coming into the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it, right? So you might want to ask yourself no pressure on that, right? What's the intention? For most people when they are intimate, their intention is for a long-term relationship, okay? Not everybody, but majority of people. Okay? So first thing I want you to write down is what is your intention?
(05:50):
So you have to know the second question is a very important question that might impact the first question. And here's the question, are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your emotions if you sleep with him? Okay, what does this mean exactly? To stay in our sovereignty, to stay in our sobriety, to stay in our divine power? Peace is par when we feel out of control. We don't have control over our emotions, we become the effect of emotions. We become the effect of life. We have to take responsibility for our emotions. No one is responsible for our emotions. So if we're going to be intimate with somebody, we have to know that we can't control what the partner does. They may be the most loving person ever, or they may turn out to be a liar. We don't even know.
(06:59):
And in our energetic field, we're going to call in according to our emotions already. So if you're somebody who has low self-esteem or low self-worth, and you're fearing Should I sleep with somebody, then most likely you're probably going to have some emotions once you sleep with them. So the question is, are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your emotions if you sleep with this person? Okay, so I would play it out a little bit like worst case scenario because that's how we play. We play the miracle in consciousness and hold that miracle, and we also get prepared for worse thing because we know that life is a paradox and that the more we can play with the light and the dark in consciousness and come to neutrality, we have more choice. So my invitation is to play in consciousness and play as if the greatest thing happened, and that may look like, Hey, we become intimate. Our core values are all in alignment. Our core needs are being met. We're not making anyone wrong. We are masters, and guess what? It probably won't be the case.
(08:23):
It could be awful. They could turn out to be cheating on you. They could turn out to be whatever we need to take full responsibility if best case scenario and worst case scenario happens, are you emotionally prepared for this? That means you have a powerful consciousness. That means you've done your inner work. That means you have not a low self-confidence that you realize I'm taking this choice. And regardless, regardless of what happens, I know that I have the tools and consciousness, the support group, my daily spiritual practice, whatever it is to sustain if the worst case happened. If you do not, then I don't recommend becoming intimate with somebody if you're not prepared for it emotionally, okay? I'm not here to ever tell anybody to sleep with somebody or not sleep with somebody. I'm here to give them the distinctions to make the choice for themselves.
(09:24):
Okay? So number one is what is your intention? Number two is are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibly for your emotions if you sleep with him? Okay, number three is does he have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs? And this is a huge one because most people don't even talk about it. They, okay, I'm going to, if I'm Christian, I may want to get married just so I can sleep with them. I see this a lot when they don't even know who their real partner is, but they think the marriage is going to solve all their problems, and it doesn't. Just because someone gets married does not mean they are not insecure, they don't have emotions, and they are getting their needs met. It's the same exact problems, and again, I'm not going to say you should or shouldn't get married before you have sex, but these are just core things that need to be discussed and figured out, and not just by words, by the way, but by witnessing your partner, does he or she have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs?
(10:45):
Because unless you're enlightened master walking this planet able to unconditionally love your partner, no matter what they do, you're probably going to have some expectations and some needs. And so in the ideal world as really planning out a proactive approach for dating and for really spending your life with somebody, you would really get clear of what your basic needs are and what your expectations are. And the more you can communicate that and discover what your partner's expectations and needs are, and play it out as a devil's advocate. So say for example, your basic needs are that your partner is in communication with you every day, and that you see each other X amount of days of the week, or you end up living together or whatever the expectations are. The expectations are, Hey, we would probably date for a while, but our intention is to eventually get married, or our basic needs are when I'm upset, I need you to be there for me.
(11:53):
Or the expectations are, Hey, I expect you to cook for me or pay for me, or whatever. I don't know what those expectations are. Again, no one would say what those should be. Those are for you to discover. And if you have not discovered what your basic needs or expectations are in a relationship, you may want to do some more inner work before becoming intimate with somebody just saying, okay, so does he or she have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs? And the question is, do you have the desire to fulfill your partner's expectations and their needs? Super important to really think about this because to become intimate with somebody, entangling energetically entangling in your DNA and your energetics of all lifetimes, you might want to do some of this work just FYI. Okay, number four, question. So again, number one is what is your intention?
(12:57):
Number two is are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibly for your emotions if you sleep with him? Number three is does he have the desire and do you have the desire to fulfill the expectation and needs? And lastly, but not lastly, these are just some basic conversations. Okay? Number four is what is your plan if it goes right, and what is your plan if it goes wrong? Right? Having those conversations with a partner is super important. For example, you may start sleeping with somebody. It may, you get some core expectations and needs met and you're really enjoying each other, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, wait, you don't want kids? Wait, I really want kids. I've always had that vision for my life. Wait, you don't want kids? No, I don't want kids, right? It's like, oh, we should have talked about this before we became intimate.
(14:01):
Now we're all entangled. Now we have began to build it life together and we have a deal breaker. I'm not saying that would be a deal breaker for people or not, but I'm just saying it's an example. So what is your plan if it goes right, and what is your plan? If it doesn't go right, meaning right. So what does that look like? And these are the conversations that any healthy, mature relationship should probably have before they become intimate. These are truths that I think majority of people stumble upon. And again, I would say about nine out of 10 people are, have codependency. Even if they're married, even if they're dating, they're up and down, they're handing their power over, and we're all guilty of it. So we have to mature as your question goes, should I sleep with him? That is a question that only you can answer.
(15:00):
But what I know for sure is that being proactive of the highest vision of what you want is imperative to get clear with that person. If someone doesn't have a vision for their life, it's not a problem. It's their life, it's their, but it's pretty hard to create with somebody if you don't know what the vision is that you're creating together. So again, just coming into this of understanding that self-reflection and awareness is imperative of understanding who you are. How can you merge your body and your life with somebody if you don't even know who you are, right? Being able to set boundaries and getting clear of what works for you and doesn't work for you in relationship is imperative to be able to understand that this is going to work or not work. Maintaining independence is imperative for healthy relationships and going slow into the relationship is one of the core things they found for relationships at work.
(15:58):
Open communication. Is this person able to handle a heated topic? Are they able to have empathy or compassion? Are you able to have empathy and compassion, right? And continuous self-growth and being able to have support groups and regular check-ins and constantly growing and remembering that intimacy is, in my opinion, it's a high level of a spiritual practice. If you're looking to sleep with somebody just to feel good or get something out of it, it's not going to work spiritually. It is a reverence. It is a discipline. It is somewhere to grow exponentially. And I know that there's very, very few marriages that are even happy. They say something like 15% of marriages are actually working. And I think the next quantum leap we may take as a species in relationship is really looking at it as a place of a sacred, sacred healing place. And we know that when we heal, it's also a sacred place to birth creativity to the universe, whether that be you're creating children that you're birthing to the universe, or whether that be a project and legacy that you're leaving, or whether that's birthing beautiful things to the world, what I know for sure is that intimacy is into you.
(17:29):
I see. And each and every one of our partners is a divine place to really dive deeper into the reflection of the depths of your soul. And that may not be for everybody. You could have an incredible, beautiful sexual experience if that is what works for you. And I'm just here to say that I understand. I have had so much codependency in my life that it's such a beautiful thing, and it's such a beautiful thing to be to a place in my life where I don't have to make anyone wrong anymore. I don't have to hand my power over, and I might have moments of it, but I always come back to truth. I always know that God's source, divine source is within me, and that really is the true love that if we all walk down the aisle and we knew that the true marriage is within thyself with the higher self, and that your partner can never fulfill you, they really can't.
(18:38):
I mean, they can add to your life, but they can never fill you if you're not filled by source, by your higher self. It's impossible if we walk down the aisle or walk down intimacy with our lover or our boyfriend or a girlfriend or whatever, and we knew we're here to really add to their life, to enjoy life, to serve them, to play with them, to just have moments, but recognizing that the true, true source is always with them, that we can't fill our partners either. We can't fix them, we can't change them, we can't control them. We're here to learn unconditional love in relationship, and it is the most humbling aspect of life. I see it over and over and over in relationship where people are complaining, they're frustrated. And the ultimate, ultimate lesson is that we have to learn how to love unconditionally and really not need anything particular back.
(19:44):
That doesn't mean we stay in dysfunctional relationships. That doesn't mean we wouldn't stay in something that's adding to our life, but that means when we develop that advance, advance consciousness of being able to love somebody, even through those walls, through those times when they're being a jerk through the times, they're not there for us, there's going to be times like that, and we have to still get committed back to the love. And so I'm just here to say, may you choose your partner with high consciousness. May you really, really look at it and look at your core values and look at their core values. Do they align? Because if they don't align, you most likely are not going to be able to work together. Aligning core values is imperative for it. Okay? So I just say, may the truth, may you absolutely have beautiful, beautiful intimacy. I simply know this as together, we say, and so it is okay. If you're somebody who has a question,
(20:46):
You send it to me on any of the social media. You can also email that in to support@soulciete.com. You can also put it in one of the reviews on the podcast. Okay? Have a beautiful, blessed day, and may you live your truth. Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin Show. If you're ready to transform your life, discover your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams, go to www.drerin.tv Join me in my life-changing events, membership or certification. If you're ready to become a certified coach and get trained in metaphysics of mind manifestation and the creative process, subconscious reprogramming, trauma, recovery, healing, spiritual psychology, universal law, and much more, go to www.drerin.tv . If you're receiving value from the show, I would love it if you would share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Have a beautiful day, and may you live your truth.
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Transcription:
(00:01):
This is
(00:02):
Live from Los Angeles. Welcome to the Dr. Aaron show. We're all about manifestation transformation and breakthroughs. It's time to claim your birthright of prosperity, vitality and love. So grab your tea coffee, because together we're awakening the world. May you live your truth?
(00:21):
Welcome divine legends. Oh my gosh. If you are somebody who is dealing with needing to set boundaries, you definitely want to listen to this podcast and watch this video. I have so much experience on those. You guys, you have no idea coming from being someone who is completely co-dependent and dysfunctional years back and mastering how to create boundaries, how to hold boundaries and still being tested, being tested, being tested, and working with, you know, hundreds of women, uh, in our community and thousands of women's hundreds of thousands of women across the globe. I just wanna say that this is very normal and natural to be trying to figure out how to create boundaries. So I'm Dr. Aaron, I'm a doctor divinity, founder of new thought global and society and teaching universal law, metaphysics of mind, science of mind, and how our subconscious mind gets reprogrammed through E four trauma method and all of our different modalities that we teach and certify all of our spiritual coaches, practitioners, law of attraction ministers, and yes, doctors of divinity.
(01:28):
So let's break this on down. You guys boundaries how to create healthy boundaries, how to live your truth, how to truly, truly be able to not make people wrong, see them for the divinity and stay in your power. And let me tell you, I don't think that you ever stop this masterclass of life. So it's so funny because, um, you know, years back I was completely codependent and dis dysfunctional in my relationships. And I remember, you know, hearing this thing called boundaries and <laugh> boundaries for me meant blocking people. That was the only sense I knew of like boundaries, cuz it was all or nothing when you're kind of an addict. And when you're, you know, in this realm. And so it is taken me many, many years to understand and be able to implement, being able to hold healthy boundaries for myself in the realm of relationship, but also in the realm of friendships, in the realm of, you know, social media in the realm of everything.
(02:27):
So I invite you to take your pin and paper out. If you do not already subscribe to the, um, podcast, if you do not subscribe to the YouTube, this goes on both platforms. And so please subscribe tele a friend tag, a friend, because this work is super important for us to be able to have our friends, our inner circle, our family be able to all rise together. Our mission in society is to waken a billion people. And how I know we will fulfill upon that mission is by developing the most doctors of divinity on this planet. That truly is my goal. So let's break this on down. It's all the buzz and all the rage to, to create boundaries right now. There's books coming out on it. Everyone's talking about it. It's nothing new. It's something that we've had to learn for for all of all of time, but today we're gonna break it on down.
(03:15):
So there's a great fairytale. It's called Goldie locks and the three bears. And it's a really funny little fairy tale because it's a story of Goldie locks, this little girl who kind of, I think she gets lost out in the woods and she stumbles upon this like little house, a little log cabin out in the woods. She says, well, maybe somebody can help me find my way back home. And so she knocks three times on the door and she goes inside and she realizes nobody's there. So she starts kind of looking around and she goes, well, I'm a little hungry. And I don't think anyone really mind that. And there's three bowls of porridge and she, you know, eats one and she's like, Ooh, this is too hot. She eats another. And she goes, Ooh, this is too cold. And she eats the third and she says, just right, right.
(03:57):
Then she goes onto the living room and she finds, I think three chairs sits in one and thinks it's too hard. One's too soft. And the other one's just right. And then she goes up in the bed and, and lays on the bed and tries all three beds. And again, one's too hard, one too soft. And one's just right. And she falls asleep and lo and behold three bears come home. A mom bear, a daddy bear and a baby bear. And they come in and they're like, who's eating our porch. Who's broken our chairs. And they go up and they find little girl and she runs out cuz of course she's afraid of the bears. She runs home and she decides she's never going back to the woods and the bears never see Goldilocks again. So what's the moral of the story. Little weird really right.
(04:40):
If you think about it. But the point is, as you know, a mentor of mine, a metaphysical mentor told me years ago, years ago that all relationships are the opportunity to discover what you like and what you don't like, what works and doesn't work. Right. And another concept is that all the relationships are the opportunity for us to develop our spiritual mastery, to accept people exactly as they are in their total divinity, but also being able to know and make the distinction between who they are and who we are and what works and doesn't work. So, you know, diving in further into relationships that have no boundaries and that are what we call, you know, enmeshed and really don't work. They end up, you know, being, getting together, breaking up, going around the circles, all the dysfunction of a relationship. We recognize that it's important to, to be able to place boundaries, to have two healthy individuals that are complete themselves and that can come together in the parts of them that do work, the parts that they create together, whether it be, you know, that they just enjoy being friends, whether they enjoy, you know, creating a family together, whether they enjoy creating something for the world.
(05:56):
And we, we recognize all relationships and we celebrate all relationships, whether you're gay straight, no matter what, your definition of a relationship, we're just talking about the generality of all relationship, because guess what? All of life is a relationship. So we have to understand that all of life is going to be pushing us to see what our boundaries are. So another word for boundaries is living your truth, right? So I, I, I don't really care for the word boundaries so much because I don't feel like I need to place bounds on anything. And cuz I'm boundless. My love is boundless. My expression is boundless, but where it's received may, you know, be different for, you know, it may not be received and we call it boundaries, whatever it is. But it really is more about boundaries. It's not about the other person. Boundaries is about yourself.
(06:47):
And let me explain. So I remember, uh, years back being in a dysfunctional relationship and thinking if he just changed, then I wouldn't have to, you know, be a, a B, right? If he just didn't do this, then I wouldn't have to be controlling. If he just did this, then I wouldn't get upset, eh, wrong answer, right? From a metaphysical standpoint, everything is just a reflection and projection of our beliefs. And if we're having beliefs that love hurts or love is chaotic or relationships are hard, hence they will be hard. Hence you'll always be going in the ups and downs of the roller coasters out there. So placing the boundaries is more about getting clear about yourself, about what works for you. What doesn't work for you, where, you know, everyone has different cycles, how you sleep may be different than somebody else, what you like to do.
(07:39):
And when you like to do it, it might be different than somebody else. How, you know, you go about in work may be different than say your boss or your peers, right? Everything is about getting clarity of who you are so that you can show up fully as you are and people can accept you. And you can accept people, places and things as they are because the gap of suffering is wanting people, places and things to be different than they are. So our gap of boundaries is really getting clear of accepting others exactly are, but also, and more importantly, accepting ourselves for who we are so that we can fully state and be clear of who we are. So other people can accept us or not accept us and place their own boundaries of living their own truth for themselves. So how the hell do we do this?
(08:24):
Right? So for me, it took a lot of self work, a lot of, uh, transforming my trauma, a lot of 12 step programs, a lot of practice and failing and practicing and failing, right? And making amends and then making amends again and so on and so forth. So today I can honestly say that building your boundaries primarily has to do with understanding and the universal law in that we recognize that everything is frequency, right? All of life is frequency. And so we understand that if we inform our subconscious mind and universal law with upsets and sadness and frustrations and arguments, we're going to disrupt our soul and we're going to actually create this even more tribulation, that's gonna create more tribulation in the world. So as I say, there's only, the only thing to fear is fear itself because fear itself is what's informing your subconscious mind in the divine mind.
(09:20):
So it's not about another person that can upset you. It's not about because no one can upset you. You are responsible for your own emotion. So boundaries are not about somebody else. They're actually about taking responsibility around your own emotions and around your own vibration and your own energy. So we always say that, you know, when I'm working with somebody and they're trying to heal the bare minimum, I need someone to stay is at peace. Okay. If you're going, if the, the goal is to get into bliss and ecstasy and in that flow and in the manifestation, like creation factor of all of it, right? But if you go down and you're upset and you're, I turbulate, and you're reacting, then you're going to go into a spiral of downward spiral versus up here, you're gonna go into an upward spiral, right? So if you are not being able to set boundaries and you're getting into upsets, then that's dangerous because you're gonna start creating your whole life is gonna out picture from those upsets.
(10:19):
And it's gonna be a downward spiral. So placing your boundaries, not about them. It's actually about you holding in the minimum par piece. And if you're not able to stay in peace, then you definitely need to place boundaries. Okay. And it's not about them. It's not about changing someone else's behavior. It's about taking responsibility for your wellbeing, for your life, for how you're informing subconscious mind. Okay. And universal mind. So boundaries is really about you living a divine life and taking responsibility around living your truth and living in your power. If you're place your power again, outside of yourself, to somebody else and making your emotions about somebody else, then we have a lot of work to do. Okay. But the first thing again is boundaries and boundaries are about getting clear of, uh, getting committed to staying in peace. Peace has to be the bare minimum, the par of your emotions.
(11:15):
Okay. And if you're getting into all the upsets, that's, it's good. As long as you're transmuting the emotions and propelling you more towards your truth. Okay? So even the times when I was dysfunctional in relationship, getting upset, sending ridiculous text, you know, blocking people, doing the whole vicious cycle, the dysfunction I now can see where actually was a blessing in disguise because all those things were birthing my truth. They were birthing what I'm really committed to, which is also birthing my power. So it's not like it's bad when you don't hold your boundaries. Sometimes. Cause sometimes we have to, to go through those lessons of life to discover our truth, but in placing boundaries. So how do you do this? Right? It's not about telling somebody else what you need. I mean, yes, it's good to communicate that it's really about coming into it from a place of knowing who you are and what really works for you and doesn't work for you.
(12:12):
So let's take it in a different stance. Let's just say, for example, I run a very large, uh, a community of, uh, hundreds of women and a few men and train, um, you know, thousands of women and men around the globe. And then we touch hundreds of thousands of people, um, online, right? So we have a community. And let me tell you that this test me in many ways and I had someone in the community reach out and they said, um, you know, Dr. Aaron, what do you do? I have a client that I had of falling out with. And I said, congratulations, this is great. This means a universe is developing you because years back, you know, I'd say maybe one out of a hundred people, you know, you just don't vibe something just doesn't go on. It's not right. Right. So it's always a blessing cuz if there's a breakdown at all, it's actually the opportunity to put in what I call in business policy.
(13:04):
In relationship, we may call it like our standards, right. But we still have to place boundaries. So as you're watching this, I invite you or listening to this, I invite you to think about where do you get upset? And that's where you need to create a boundary, which means clear communication. And if someone doesn't honor what works for you or what you need, then you've gotta place more of a boundary. So there is a time and place to block people. There is a time and place for you to, to hold your own sacred space of peace within your life and in your soul. And so it's up to you individually. So what I'd recommend is I would actually recommend, um, taking a journal. Okay. And in the journal, I want you to have three different rows if you will, but three different rows. And in the rows you can kind of say, um, a line of kind of the worst behavior, right?
(13:57):
Wh when do you know that you're spiraling into your worst behavior when you're going below par into that part of you? That isn't good. Maybe you're sending bad texts. Maybe you're breaking up with somebody getting back together. Maybe you are acting out even more than that. Maybe, um, you're shaming somebody, maybe you're gossiping behind their back, whatever it is. I want you to write down all those things. And then I want you to also write in that same column of all the things that someone else, your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, or whoever it is, does that has you act that way because you are gonna have to take responsibility around that. Okay. The second row I want you to put in there and I want you to put in kind of your, your par what's your par, what what's the what's the must have of, of kind of who you are at kind of not your best self, but the person that you, you, you really are committed to being like somebody who's a good communicator.
(14:50):
Somebody, somebody who is healthy and you know, in, in who they are in relationship, um, somebody that's showing up fully, somebody that is serving and not just selfish, right? Whatever it may be that kind of par that middle, like must have. And I want you to write out also in the must have column, what are you must have from your other, from your partner. They need to be, you know, clear in their communication. They need to, you know, be somebody that shows up, um, committed in the relationship, you know, no shenanigans, whatever that may be. Okay. And then the next column, the third column, I want you to put in kind of your ideal scene, right? Like what's the ideal scene. Um, somebody shows up completely powerful. Um, I am, uh, in gratitude all the time I am in serving. I am creating, uh, experiences with my partner and making a difference in the world, whatever that may be.
(15:43):
And I want you to put in what that third column is. Okay. So you have three columns, one's kind the worst self number two column is kind of your, the part of you that is kind of your must have your standard of who you wanna be in the world and relationship. And your third is your ideal scene, the vision of who you really wanna be and who, who you wanna show up as in relationship. Okay. And then what I want you to do is I want you to take this kind of list into your life. And I want you to take responsibility and notice when you're coming down into your worst self, the first part, right? What is it that's happening? And where can you take responsibility and put boundaries on yourself? Or do you need to place boundaries on another person and have them outta your life?
(16:22):
Because you have to take responsibility so that you are the only one that will, will go into that first row into the worst version of yourself. No one else can make you go there. No one else can make you become the worst version of yourself because you have the choice to keep yourself in environment. And if you're in a domestically, you know, abused, uh, uh, environment or something like that, please, um, you know, get professional, help call services. If something happens where you're in danger, okay. But you have to take a look at these three areas and take responsibility for your life. So again, boundaries looks like you taking responsibility, whether that means that you only spend so much time with somebody, whether that means that you take a title of, of what that relationship is off of you. Right? So for example, um, if somebody's, you know, getting upset, let's just say, for example, um, I had a client that, that she would get very upset once she got into a committed relationship because she had more expectations of the relationship.
(17:23):
I had another client that they, um, you know, when they began to work together in their relationship, she'd get really upset when they worked together. Cuz there was just too much, there was like a whole plethora of other expectations of work stuff. And so what, what we sometimes will do with people that are dealing with trying to create boundaries is kind of delaying some of those things, taking away, maybe a title, maybe taking away intimacy because it doesn't work for you, you of the expectations that you have when it comes to that level of relationship versus with a friend, right. I experienced that as well. And with say work, maybe it's that you don't work together because you're not able to just, you know, it, it, you turn into another person in work and that person and that relationship doesn't work, taking it into your intimate relationship, right.
(18:08):
Where are those boundaries for yourself? What are those boundaries for yourself? And you think about and begin to notice in those triggers, in that, that worst part of yourself, what happens that triggers you to getting into that worst part of yourself? Are you able to recreate those parts or are you trying to change the other person? If you're trying to change the other person that ain't never gonna work. Okay. It's really about taking responsibility for yourself. Okay. So, and the cool thing about boundaries and about all of life is that universe is gonna keep testing. You keep testing, you keep pushing you to know what you're truly committed to, to know what your boundaries are. So always say a different words for boundaries is really commitment. Who are you and what are you committed to? What are your standards? What is it that really works for you and doesn't work for you?
(18:52):
And it brings me to my favorite quote, which is by Gerda, which reads until one is committed. There is hesitancy the chance to draw back concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There's one elementary truth and the ignorance of which killed countless dreams, splendid plans. And at the moment, one definitely commits oneself. Then Providence moves to all sorts of things occur to help. One that would never otherwise occur. A whole stream events from decisions raising in one favor of manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man or woman could have dreamt would have come her way, whatever you can do or dream that you can do begin it boldness has genius, power magic in it, begin it now. And so the point is, is that clarity equals power boundaries holds you in your power for your commitment to yourself of what works for you.
(19:52):
Okay? It doesn't mean you have to make anyone wrong. So the practices is to get clear of what works for you. No longer have to make anyone wrong, be able to see them as the perfection that they are, be able to see them as the divine spirit that they are and be able to hold boundaries for yourself. And for me, this was one of the biggest breaking healing points of a relationship that I was in that I had to say goodbye. In fact, I had to block him. He was, you know, uh, a famous rockstar and had fallen off the wagon for theta time, had cheated on me for the umpteenth time. And I had to block him for my own piece, for my own sanity and in the healing process. The biggest thing that actually had me finally heal beyond doing my trauma work on my PTSD work and all that is I had a lie and the lie was that I didn't love him because I did love him.
(20:44):
And I still love him to this day. But that doesn't mean that I would want him in my life or definitely not to be a partner. Okay. So you can hold somebody as a perfection and the divinity that they are and still have boundaries. That boundary may be. I'm just in that person's life part of the time, I cannot be in this life at all, but you can still see their perfection. You can still love them because the truth is that we are we're one with everyone and we love everyone. That's the truth. The truth is we are only love and we're all one we're one unity. Okay. So in that I just say, may you live your divine life? May you live your truth? May you live in your power? May you know that every relationship is the opportunity to discover what you like and what you don't like.
(21:25):
Every opportunity is the step more into our unconditional love and be able to place boundaries for us to thrive and for somebody else to thrive as well. And so I just say, may we place healthy boundaries and live bountiful? And so I just know this in my mind as together we say. And so it is okay, you guys, I'm so excited. If you wanna learn more about placing boundaries and really birthing your truth, we do that in new thought global and society. If you wanna facilitate and do some of the processes we do in transform the trauma in birthing people's truth in doing all that work, you're welcome to learn more about society as well. We train and develop and certify spiritual coaches, practitioners, and all of the above. Yes. You can become a doctor of Divi as well. Okay. So have a beautiful day. You guys, and please share this like this comment below, uh, share it with a friend who you know, is struggling with codependency or in relationship drama, or needs to learn how to place boundaries. We all have to master this. Okay. And together we rise. So have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth?
(22:26):
Thank you for tuning in society and Dr. Aaron podcast. If you've had a call to be a spiritual leader or coach, you can go to soul society.com and check out our free training. If you've received value here, I would love it. If you take a moment and give a five star review in exchange, I have a ton of free gifts for you. Grab your free awakening book, 40 guided meditations and digital manifesting masterclass. I also have a free money meditation and worksheet for you. So you can begin to break through your scarcity mindset and claim your birthright of prosperity. You can get all of your gifts and learn about our upcoming transformational events in my biolink in both Instagram and Facebook. That's under Dr. aaron.tv, which is D E R I n.tv. Also, I'd love to invite you into our free private community on Facebook, under groups called society. That is facebook.com/groups/society. That's S O U L C I E T E. Have a divine day. And may you live your truth?
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Transcription:
(00:01):
This is
(00:02):
Live from Los Angeles. Welcome to the Dr. Aaron show. We're all about manifestation transformation and breakthroughs. It's time to claim your birthright of prosperity, vitality and love. So grab your tea coffee, because together we're awakening the world. May you live your truth?
(00:22):
Welcome to the Dr. Aaron show. We come together each day to know the truth, live on spiritual principle and align with the universal law. We also come together to know the truth of who we are and claim our birthright of prosperity. So if you're somebody who has dealt with co-dependency dysfunctional relationships, or just really feeling inadequate or not totally fulfilled without somebody in your life, this is for you. I'm Dr. Aaron, I'm a doctor of divinity teaching universal law, metaphysics of mind, and how to reprogram your subconscious mind. I, um, am the founder of new thought global and society, and I have trained and developed, you know, thousands of women across the globe. And today I wanna break down how you truly can live and empower life, how you can heal from codependency dysfunctional relationships and what that process is. And if you're a coach, how to deal with somebody who's dealing with codependency.
(01:18):
So let's do this in you guys. Okay. So welcome again to this, um, this series R from you doing a series on codependency, dysfunctional relationships and all the above, because this is a big issue. You guys is a huge issue in our world, in our culture. And if you're somebody who's really seeking that freedom in your relationships, you're ready to really live a life where you are generating love and you don't have bounds to your love. And you're also able to accept people, places, and things as they are, and be able to fully step into your power. This is for you. So again, I'm Dr. Aaron and I know this very well because I was codependent for majority of my life. I came from an upbringing where I watched my mom as a total codependent in and out of relationships, ups and downs in her emotions.
(02:06):
And I too carried it into my, uh, young adulthood. And I ended up being in relationships where, um, I got married to somebody that I didn't even love because I thought that it would complete my life. Right. Um, I was with somebody that was an alcoholic and a drug addict, a very kind of famous a rockstar that was a complete disaster and dysfunctional relationship. And I'm not pointing the finger at him because I was just as dysfunctional, uh, because I didn't, I thought that if I, you know, if he just changed, then you know, I was only acting out or sending mean texts or screaming or yelling or doing whatever, because it was his problem and what he was doing and the lies and the cheating and all that stuff that he did. Therefore, I justified everything that I did. And then I came to a really screeching halt when I had to surrender and get down on my knees and pray to my higher self and say, I need help.
(03:00):
This is not working. And I cannot, I can no longer live like this. So believe me, I know a lot about codependency. And so today we're gonna break on down. How do you deal with this? Because when I train and develop spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches, we take 'em through a certification program. One of the big conversations is how do we deal with somebody that's dealing with addiction? Because codependency and dysfunctional relationships is an addiction because it's a looping process that happens, you know, within the mind. And as a meta physicians, we recognize that everything begins in mind and everything begins with our identity, with our limiting beliefs and are limited identity. And so for me, I know exactly where it came from. It came from the traumas of this lifetime and past lifetimes and the command and the identity I had was I'm not lovable and love has to hurt, love, has to abandon.
(03:53):
And so it was a self-fulfilling prophecy in my life for me to be able to pick people that were not available or me to make sure that it turned into some drama. For sure. Okay. So when I'm working with, um, developing a certifying coaches, it's really interesting because when we come to this topic, we have to recognize that, uh, you know, codependency and addiction stems from trauma. Trauma is not what people think it just is. It's not just a physical thing. If you're human, you've had emotional trauma, meaning that you've had times of high states of negative emotions that cause frequency and vibration, which, which informs a subconscious mind backed by what we call a command. And the command sometimes will go like this. I don't, I, you know, I'm not enough, something's wrong with me. I don't wanna live, you know, love hurts, love abandons.
(04:43):
I'm not lovable, whatever that command is and it plays out, right? So the issue is when we're dealing with a client that has codependency or dysfunctional relationship, the issue is that if they're still in that relationship, they're still in that environment and they're not able to not re-trigger those traumas. It's kind of like having a wound and you have a scab on it, right? And if you keep picking up the scab, it keeps bleeding. So if you have trauma and you are inner dysfunctional or codependent relationship, and you're constantly getting triggered, getting upset, re-opening those wounds. Then as a coach, it's almost impossible to have you really have true growth, which means that, yes, we recognize that trauma works on that and, you know, awareness and birthing your core values and healing. Everything has to happen, but we have to recognize sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the environment or from the relationship in order to heal.
(05:40):
So I remember, you know, years back being in a dysfunctional relationship and I loved him, you know, I, there, it was not a lie. I actually did love him, but there was also parts of it that did not work. And I was unable to be in the relationship, right. So it was a really hard thing. And they say it is stronger than heroin addiction in that when you love somebody and you have all those emotions, there's a high that people get off of the emotions of, you know, the high of falling in love. And let's say it's stronger than cocaine, right. And then, you know, coming out of it and being going through withdrawals and the whole cycle, the Merry go round cycle. Right. And we do wanna state that there's some incredible programs like coda.org or 12 step programs. And we highly recommend those for breaking the cycle.
(06:25):
We also recommend checking yourself into a facility. If you can't start to get help on your own, and you can't start to do it on your own. Okay. So beyond that as a spiritual coach, as somebody who trains and develops and certifies spiritual coach, there is a process to it in that as the individual coach getting trained certified each individual as a coach needs to decide if this is something that they want to handle, and they want to work with clients that are dealing with codependency or, you know, dysfunctional relationships. Me, I have come to my truth. And my truth is that I, um, will have an agreement. The first session I have with a client, or even before first session, we will talk about co-dependency and addiction. And in that, if, if somebody is dealing with that, then we have an agreement that they're either able to, you know, start to manage that and be able to not get too reactive or drink too much, or be in any abusive relationship.
(07:22):
Otherwise, our agreement is after 30 days working together or after a few sessions, that if they're not able to stabilize in their environment, then they need to remove themselves from the environment or we'll put our coaching on hold until they're able to. Okay. Because it's really important. And I wanna speak to the person that is going through codependency and going through dysfunction out there in the world right now. First of all, I just wanna say, I am holding you in my heart. I know the perfection of whatever you're going through. I really truly do. I don't. We, as, as divine teachers as understand the power of mine, I do not look at as bad or good in that it is for your growth. And I recognize that when I went through codependency and a very dysfunctional relationship, it was a huge blessing in disguise because it was the one thing that de that demanded me to do my inner healing and demanded me to get to my low so that I would surrender so that I would say, I, I decided to powerfully heal myself.
(08:25):
And so right now I'm holding you in my heart, knowing the perfection of wherever you're at. Okay. And I recognize that as you know, it's not about trying to get better. It's really surrendering to what is, and if you need to stay in that relationship, then you know what you need to stay there as long as you need to stay there until you are ready to say no more. And that's what I know for sure. And as a coach, I have one goal and one goal only is to help you get clear what your true goal is. And if you, you know, your goal is to be, be healthy, loving, completely, have an expressed, loving, functioning, amazing relationships in your life. But you're over here in dysfunction, discord, codependency, and suffering, and the insanity of it. Then we wanna know what is it that you truly want?
(09:11):
Are you committed to staying in that for a while and trying to figure it out? Are you committed to healing and completely getting over it? Only you can answer that. Okay. But in that, when you come to understand what you truly want, cuz some people are just committed to the misery. Some people really truly are committed to staying in the drama and saying there, my invitation is free to get real with yourself and ask yourself, what is it you truly are committed to. And in that you should get real with yourself. And if you're really ready to heal and do the work, my invitation is for you to get out of that environment. Okay. That I'm not telling anybody to get a divorce. I'm not telling anybody to break up with anybody. I'm not telling anybody anything I'm saying to get out of the environment so that you're able to have space so that your triggers from your trauma, aren't getting retried.
(09:59):
And then of course, so that's all about getting aware, waking up to how you are creating reality, no matter what they're doing, no matter if you're with a narcissist, no matter if they've cheated, no matter if whatever they've done, this has nothing to do with them. And this has everything to do with you. And in that awakening of recognizing that you are the creator of your universe, you're the only person that's gonna put up with whatever you wanna put up. You're the person that makes the standards for your life. You are the person that puts the boundaries on your life. You're that person. And in that, the next step is reprogramming. That means reprogramming your self subconscious mind, reprogramming the identity of who you are, reprogramming and neutralizing and transforming all those traumas for you to use those traumas, to bird, the highest version of yourself and bird, maybe be even a purpose and a calling to come outta this for yourself.
(10:49):
Okay. So first is of course, to awaken, to recognizing the truth that you're creating your reality. The second is to recognize that you need to reprogramming reprogram your subconscious mind and you know, transform the true identity that you are. The third is to, um, to align, to align and birth. What are your core values? What do you really want? And what would a healthy relationship look like for you? You know, what is aligning with your truth and aligning with universal law so that you can live a life of harmony, live a life of unbounded, love, live a life of all that, right? And then the four step is to affirm, affirm every day through your daily spiritual practice, to who you hang out with to where you put your energy and so on and so forth. Okay. So in this, let's just take a deep breath into the nose and next sign out.
(11:38):
And I just say, thank you. I am so grateful for the suffering and the dysfunction and the co-dependency. I recognize that there are so many lessons and blessings through this. And in this, I recognize the truth of who you are, your divine, powerful, infinite, intelligent, spiritual being, and that you have all the wisdom in you to know how to reach for your highest self and your highest help, which, uh, may mean getting help from something that seems external, but recognizing everything is one mind and you and I are connected. Everyone's connected. We are your higher self it's. All of the universe is your higher self working for you. And so I declare healing. I declare living your truth. I declare knowing and, and seeking your divine life, the highest expression of the use of your energy, so that you can be a benefit to this planet so that you can be a benefit to your lineage so that you can be a benefit to your friends and family.
(12:31):
And if you have children to your children, to your future generations. And so I simply know this in gratitude, knowing you are already healed in the divine mind, this is just an experience you're going through. I recognize you're already, you're already perfect. You're already whole, you're already love. You're already. All of that. I simply know this it's released as my word is law as together we say. And so it is okay. So on that note, I just am saying, uh, you know, yes, to you, yes, to you living your perfect life. And if you would like to discover more of how to transform your trauma, how to birth your truth, how to live that divine life. You're welcome to reach below. There are some links to our community to learn more, um, to come into our community and get trained and facilitate the work to get some one-on-ones to do whatever it is.
(13:18):
And if not, I just wanna say, thank you for coming here. Please share this subscribe, um, to whether you're watching this on the podcast or whether you are on YouTube or wherever you are. I just say, please share this out with somebody because I know so many people are suffering from codependency and there's levels of codependency. Sometimes codependency looks like you can't even function and your whole life's falling apart. Sometimes codependency is just that you keep handing your power over and making somebody your source of joy, which instantaneously means that you make them the source of your suffering. So we all are codependent some level because unless you're a master spiritual, you know, being on this planet, UN you know, putting no power out to the external world, we're all codependent developing ourselves to be completely the unique divine expression that we are. Okay. So I have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth?
(14:11):
Thank you for tuning in society and Dr. Aaron podcast. If you've had a kind to be a spiritual leader or coach, you can go to soul society.com and check out our free training. If you receive value here, I would love it. If you take a moment and give a five star review in exchange, I have a ton of free gifts for you. Grab your free awakening book, 40 guided meditations and digital manifesting masterclass. I also have a free money, meditation and worksheet for you. So you can begin to break through your scarcity mindset and claim your birthright of prosperity. You can get all of your gifts and learn about our upcoming transformational events in my biolink in both Instagram and Facebook. That's under Dr. aaron.tv,
(14:51):
Which is D E R I n.tv. Also, I'd love to invite you into our free private community on Facebook, under groups called society. That is facebook.com/slashie that's S O U L C I E T E. Have a divine day. And may you live your truth?